Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
