Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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