i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
