let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
