# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
