I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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