hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
