Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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