I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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