If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
