my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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