I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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