i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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