Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
