Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
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tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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