Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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