Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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