the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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