Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
