Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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