Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
