the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
