smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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