I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
