I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
