I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
