420 ftw
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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