he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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