I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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