thus making me awesome and them whores
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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