Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
