he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
