I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
