get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
birth control should be required to get into college
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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