Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's not a walk of shame if you run
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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