Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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