Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
