therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
