Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
