i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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