I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
