Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
