I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
