i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think I won the penis lottery.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
