Cold hands, warm shart.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish I only lived at night.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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