What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My vagina just clenched in fear
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
