Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
