She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
