Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
