Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
