is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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