I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize