I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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