he shaved USA in his pubs
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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