My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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