i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
my liver is dry heaving
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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