did you get engaged???
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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