Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
