no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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