does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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