my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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