i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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