all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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