Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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