I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
