I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
