You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
