I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
there is glitter all over my balls
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
