Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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