Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The best revenge is premature balding
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
