Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
They have beer where we have blood.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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