You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
