I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize