She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
