He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
