Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
