some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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