You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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