if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
