i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
