Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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