I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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