I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
