that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
