I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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