my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
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It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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